HOW TO DEAL WITH ASSHOLES

This has probably been making the rounds for a while. But it hadn’t crossed my path until somebody decided I needed cheering up yesterday.

It brightened my day and I hope brings a smile to your own…

When you have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don't know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a call I'd forgotten to make.  I found the number and dialed. A man answered, saying 'Hello...'

I politely said, 'This is Rick. Could I please speak with Robyn?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled 'Get the right fucking number!' and the phone was slammed down.  I couldn't believe anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After calling her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. 
When the same guy answered, I yelled 'You're an asshole!'  and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every time I had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an ass hole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'ass hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the phone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled, 'NO!', and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an ass hole!' And hung up.

A few days later, I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled but the idiot ignored me.  Then I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window with his number.

The next morning, right after calling the first asshole, I thought I'd better call the BMW asshole too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

'Can you tell me where I can see it?'

'Yes, I live at  34 Oaktree Blvd. It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked out front.'

'Okay, what's your name?'

'My name is Don Hansen.'

'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Don, can I tell you something? You're an asshole!' Then I hung up. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1. He said, 'Hello'.

I said, 'You're an ass hole!'. But I didn't hang up this time.

He screamed, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name’s Don Hansen.'

'Yeah? Where do you live?'

'34 Oaktree Blvd. It's a yellow ranch style with a black Beamer in front.'

'I'm coming over right now. You better start saying your prayers!'

Then I called Asshole #2 and said, 'Hello, asshole,'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are, I'll kick your ass!'.

I answered, 'Well, here's your chance. I'm coming right over.'

Then I hung up and called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd. I quickly got in my car and headed over.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and a TV crew.

Now I feel much better.